


Daydreams and Delusions

by orphan_account



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Dead!Barry, Egobang - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Skyhill - Freeform, guardian!suzy, psychologist!brian, tw:car crash, tw:death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 01:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7825216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You can see me, right? Hear me? Feel me? Is that not enough?"</p><p>Barry's death was hard to cope with. Dan and Barry's friendship was one to behold, and one day it was all taken away. Dan was in ruins, until he met Arin. The two became best of friends, but Dan wants something more. </p><p>But something isn't right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Love You

I love you man."   
"  
      Dan receives a ruffle of his hair from Arin after he says this. It's not a tussle meant to mess up his fro, but enough to be a reminder of Arin's presence. As if Dan could forget.

      "How many--" Arin starts. But he stops for a second, repositioning himself on the bed. He crosses his legs and lets his hands fall in his lap. "How many types of love do you think there is?"

      Dan casts a side glance. That's a sudden, random question to ask. But not out of the ordinary for someone like Arin. 

      "Hm," Dan says, thinking. "That's...different. I don't know really."

     Arin looks at Dan, and their eyes meet. Arin's eyes...are brown. Well, so are Dan's but, they're so much different. Dan's eyes are like dark chocolate, sweet and sharp. Arin's eyes are like dead leaves piled together, autumn-like and easy to lose yourself in.

      "Yeah, but you gotta think about it." Arin shifts his focus to the fraying strings on his jeans. He reaches out to fiddle with one while he works through his own thoughts. 

      "There's more than one type of love. There has to be," Arin continues. Dan studies him intently while he speaks. "You can say 'I love you' to your mom, but you don't mean the same kind of love if you say 'I love you' to a romantic partner, right?"

     Dan nods, brows furrowing. "Yeah. I guess so."

     "But then there's the trivial kind of love. Like if you're eating ice cream and you're like, 'man, I sure do love ice cream'. But then there's saying you love a friend. And loving, say, a certain moment. Like a first kiss. Or a dream you can't forget. And, I just wonder sometimes, how many different ways you can love something."

      Dan stares at the floor, running through his mind. That really is something to think about. He loves his mom and dad, but he also loves his friends. He loves ice cream and skittles and soft blankets and movies. He loves the feeling he gets on a roller coaster. He loves when strangers smile at him from across the street just to be polite. He loves to sleep. He loves the teachers from high school who always helped him out. He loves so many things.

      He loves Arin.

      Dan loves in so many different ways, and he never even realized that love was such a versatile word. Until Arin pointed it out.

      "Wow," Dan says, taken aback by his revelation. He looks at Arin's profile. The curve of his nose and the shape of his lips. The wisps of his hair that he had to have washed just this morning. He takes in all of Arin and realizes that he loves the whole of him, but he loves all the parts that make him too.

      Wow.

     "It's crazy, right?" Arin asks, turning to Dan once again. "How much there is to one word. It's cool to think about. Food for thought, I guess."

      "No, I understand. I..I think." Dan lets out a one syllable laugh, suddenly feeling the intensity of the atmosphere in the room. He feels a tenseness in his shoulders that wasn't there a few moments ago.

      "I don't know," Arin says, sweeping his hair into a ponytail. It's getting long, so long that it curls at the bottom of his shoulders. Dan's hair is getting long too, but he likes it that way. He figures that if he lets it grow enough, he can donate it. Maybe.

      As soon as Arin finishes his ponytail, his head jerks and looks at Dan's closed door. His head cocks to the side and he looks at Dan.

     "Someone coming?" Dan proposes. Arin nods, slipping off the side of the bed. He scoots underneath it, being just short enough to fit under it without his feet poking out. 

     "Take your time dude, I'll live." And with that, Arin goes silent.

     The door opens slowly, and Suzy pokes her head through it. "Hey," she says. 

     She's all made up. Black lipstick and dark eye makeup and hair all wavy around her shoulders. She's obviously ready to go somewhere.

     "Hey Suze," Dan says. He doesn't motion for her to come all the way in, or at all for that matter. He just kinda waits, expectant, for whatever she's going to say.

     "Well, Holly had asked me to go to dinner with her. It was totally last minute because Ross had to cancel on her right before they left. She doesn't want to go alone. Are you...can you be okay alone for a few hours?" 

      Dan nods, maybe a little too quickly. "Yeah, I'll just talk to Arin." Dan bites his lip, wanting to kick himself in the teeth. He wishes he hasn't said it as soon as the words leave his mouth.

     Suzy takes on that sympathetic face she always wears when Dan mentions Arin. "Dan.."

     He cuts her off. "Yeah, yeah I..I know, okay? It's whatever. I'll just write or something." Dan mimics the same thing Arin did moments ago as he too messes with a stray thread on his jeans.

     Suzy's eyes light up, happy to find a way to change the subject. "You started writing again? Sweet, what about?"

     Arin. What they do together. How he wants to kiss him sometimes and maybe one day he will. "Just, whatever comes to mind. Songs."

      Suzy smiles, genuinely. "Cool, you gotta let me read it when I get back. Okay, I gotta go. Love you."

     "Love you too," Dan replies. Suzy blows a kiss, then shuts his door softly.

     Arin is suddenly next to Dan again. "She still doesn't believe you?" He asks.

     Dan shakes his head, feeling hot in his cheeks.   
     Arin wraps an arm around Dan's shoulders and pulls him close. A show of affection that would make anyone melt. That tenseness that had been in Dan's shoulders falls away, and suddenly he is smiling, letting his head fall on Arin's shoulder. 

      "Don't listen to her dude," Arin says. "You can hear me right? See me?" He pokes Dan's nose. "Feel me?"

     "Yeah."

     "Alright then." Arin lets his arm fall away and then they both just sit on the bed, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the wall. There is comfort in this, Dan notes. Love.

      What kind of love?


	2. Oh Shit

The eraser of the pencil rests on Dan's bottom lip as he stares at the words he's just written. Twelve hours of holing up in his room, and these few lines are all he could come up with. The only string of words he could fit together that seemed to work. The last line echos inside his head.

     'And as long as I keep standing, I can look ahead.'

     Dan quite likes that line. He's pleased that he wrote it all by himself, and didn't find it somewhere. 

     "Hey nerd." Dan can feel his hair being mussed up again, but this hand isn't Arin's. 

     "Hey Ross, I didn't hear you come in my room," Dan says, turning from his desk to face his friend, who sat himself on the edge of Dan's bed. 

     Seeing Ross is always a nice change of pace from the usual Suzy and occasional Holly. They don't get to see each other often, but the brotherly love they share never fades. 

     "I had a free day today, thought I'd come by to see you." Ross smiles, and suddenly, Dan sees it. In the blue of his eyes, Dan can see the forced cheerfulness in his face. The way his eyes don't crinkle the way they should.

     A stone drops in Dan's stomach and he immediately knows why Ross is here.

     "Don't," Dan begins, turning his chair away from Ross. "If you're here to talk about--"

     "Arin, Dan. Yes, I am. Suzy asked me to come over." Ross reaches out and turns Dan's chair back around. His eyes are apologetic. His blue eyes, that swim like the community pool. 

     "Ross, I love you man, I do. But I don't want to hear what you have to say about him." Dan stands from his chair, feeling hot all around. He doesn't want to talk about Arin with Ross. Because Ross talked to Suzy, and Suzy has no idea what Arin is to Dan. 

      It's a different kind of love all together.

      "Dan, we have to. You can't keep...living out this..this delusion of yours."

     It feels as though a spike has lodged itself in Dan's chest. "Ross," He says, voice brimming with more anger than he meant. He doesn't care. "Arin is NOT a delusion. He's a person. A person I enjoy spending time with. I don't know what the big deal is!"

      "Suzy can hear you talking sometimes, Dan. She can hear you and nobody else. She's worried." Ross pauses. "And...and I am too."

     Dan opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes to mind. He licks his lips, trying to think of a comeback.

     Ross takes a cautious step towards Dan. "Dan, ever since Barry..."

     Dan's eyes fly open wide, hit with all of the memories at once. It's like a brick wall slamming into his chest, and suddenly he feels like he can't breathe.

      Dan collapses into his chair, feeling tears rising up. "Barry," He whispers, hand reaching up and grasping the charm of his necklace. It's a key, a normal house key that Barry used to use every single day. It has his memory stained all over it. 

     The only material thing that made it out of the crash.

     "I'm sorry," Ross says quickly. "I didn't mean...I..I'm sorry."

     Dan clenches his eyes shut. Tears spill out of them and onto his cheeks. It feels like they're burning his skin. "I need you to get out."

      There is silence for a second. "Dan--"

     "Get. Out, Ross."

     Dan keeps his eyes closed on purpose and listens for the footsteps of Ross leaving. There is nothing for a good minute.

      "I'm sorry," Ross mumbles. Then Dan can hear him shuffling across the carpet, shutting his door with a soft click. 

      Dan, even after Ross has left, doesn't open his eyes. He buries his head in his arms on top of his desk, quietly starting to cry in the silence of the room.

      How fucking dare he, bringing up Barry to him? In what world would bringing that up to him somehow convince Dan to listen? I mean, sure, it may be over a year later but, that still feels too soon. 

     Dan still feels everything from the day of the crash. Still sees everything. The sound of metal on metal scratching the air is as clear as ever. The feeling of blood trickling down his face is so prominent that Dan almost reaches up to wipe it off his cheeks. The sight of Barry lying motionless in the passenger seat is still so surreal. The quiet, subdued tributes to him at the funeral are so vivid to Dan. Everything is like it's happening for the first time, in all its hard to believe reality.

      It's too much.

      After a few minutes, Dan feels a tap on his shoulder. He doesn't respond, hoping whoever it is will just leave if he stays still for long enough.

     "Dan, come on, look at me."

     All tears stop, and immediately, a small smile creeps its way onto Dan's face. 

     Arin.

    Dan turns around in his chair and sees him, standing there in his ponytail just like the other day. 

     "Why are you crying?" Arin asks, leaning down and wiping the tears off Dan's face. "What's wrong?"

      Dan sniffles, moving from his chair to the edge of his bed. Arin joins him, patiently waiting Dan's words.

      He takes in a huge breath, reveling in the scent of the room. It smells of stale chips and old Pepsi and the myriad of scents that equate to the smell of Arin. 

      "Ross came and...tried to talk about you. Again." Dan can hear Arin sigh in disappointment.

     "Man," he says. "I really like Ross. Why's he gotta do that?"

     Dan shrugs.

     "He brought up Barry to me," Dan suddenly says, hearing the shakiness of his own voice. "He brought him up as an argument, Arin. Why..why would he do that?"

     Arin pulls Dan in protectively. "I don't know dude. I'm sorry. But hey. Hey look at me." He takes a gentle hold of Dan's chin with his hand and moves his head so their eyes meet. Dark chocolate on Autumn leaves. 

      "What?" Dan asks.

      "There is nothing he can say that will make me go away, you hear me? Not Ross, not Suzy, not Holly. I'm here. You can see me, right? Hear me?" Arin boops Dan's nose and gives a small laugh. "Feel me?"

     Dan nods. 

     "Okay then." Arin leans forward and lets his forehead rest against Dan's. His eyes close.

     But Dan's eyes stay open as they sit like this, on the edge of his bed. They stare at Arin's lips, which are hanging slightly open and taking in gentle breaths. 

     It would be so easy to just...

     To just shift his head and...

     Dan closes the distance between he and Arin, and he kisses unresponsive lips. 

     He pulls away as quickly as he had leaned in. Arin's eyes are open now.

     "Oh." Dan springs up from his bed, panic forming in the pit of his stomach. Oh no. What did he just do? Why did he just do that? "Man, I...uh...I'm sorry Arin I..fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." 

      Arin sits on the bed, still in the cross legged position he started in. He stares ahead at nothing. 

      Tears spring up in Dan's eyes again. "I fucked...oh man I..fuck. I'm sorry." He turns abruptly and exits the room, leaving Arin sitting on the bed in shock.


	3. Liar

  There is a slamming of bodies and an exclamation of curses, and suddenly, Dan is on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

     "Dan, I was...just coming to get you." Suzy is on the floor too, looking as startled as someone who just rammed into a panicked teenager would look. She stands up as Dan does, smoothing out the wrinkles in her tank top. "Ross just left, and he looked upset. Is...Did something happen?"

     Dan freezes. "I..." just kissed my best friend who I'm not even sure I want to call a friend anymore and he didn't kiss back and now I don't know what to do. "Can I crash on the couch tonight?"

     Suzy blinks. "I mean, if you want. Why? What's happening in your room?"

     Arin's in there and I don't want to have to face him right now because I really fucked up. "There's a huge spider in there."

      "Oh. Want me to kill it?" Suzy starts to move past Dan, up the stairs. He quickly steps in her way, more desperately than he meant to.

     "No!" He says, rather loudly. "It's uh...a big spider and I opened my window for it to...get out. I just wanted to sleep in the living room tonight to give it time to leave."

      They stand at a stalemate, neither of them knowing what to say for a second. Then Suzy laughs. "Didn't know you cared about the well-being of spiders, Danny. But okay, that's fine. Come on, I was about to watch a movie. You wanna join?"

       Not really. I want advice about what to do when you not-so-accidentally kiss your friend and he doesn't kiss back. "Sure."


	4. A Good Cry

 "You look like you haven't slept all night." Holly plants a cup full of coffee in front of Dan. He doesn't move to drink it. He just stares at it as it sits on the kitchen table, steam rising from the cup. 

      Holly sits across from him, sipping her coffee a bit before setting it down. 

      "I didn't," Dan says flatly. He watches the wisps of steam rise from the cup, swirling and folding before dissipating into the air. 

     "Why not?" Holly asks.

     Before Dan can even tell himself not to explain the embarrassment of a night he had, his mouth opens and suddenly it all comes spilling out. 

     "I crashed on the couch last night because I didn't wanna go back in my room and at first me and Suzy had gone to watch a movie together, but it was a horror movie and ten minutes in a jump scare made me cry. And then after that she tried to make hamburgers for me and I tried to help but I ended up burning my hand and I cried again and then it was so awkward at the table while it was just the two of us eating together. She asked me about what I was writing and I didn't wanna tell her and she got mad at me and she set her cup really hard on the table and it scared me and made me drop my cup of Sprite all over the floor. And she tried to clean it up for me and she ended up hitting her head on the edge of the table and man I felt bad all night about it even though she said it was fine.

      "And then I tried to go asleep on the couch and it was uncomfortable as hell. I fell off once because a nightmare woke me up, and the second time I fell off I just stayed there and slept on the floor until Suzy came in the morning to make her breakfast and tripped over my head, to which I cried a third time."

      Danny stares at the bubbles on the surface of his coffee and decides to conclude his story with, "It. Sucked. Ass."

     There is nothing but silence hanging in the air for a good little while. Dan doesn't look up at Holly for an answer. He doesn't expect one from her. Truthfully, he doesn't want one. Because after hearing the story all together like that makes Dan feel like an absolute idiot. He sounded like a two year old, getting scared by movies and loud noises and falling off the couch in the middle of the night. 

      He almost wants to laugh at himself. 

      "Well," Holly finally says. "That does sound sucky. But why didn't you sleep in your room?"

      Dan opens his mouth, but shuts it because he doesn't know what to tell her. He doesn't want to lie to both Suzy and Holly, but he also is kind of embarrassed to explain what happened. Even if Holly would probably be okay with it.

      Holly has always been a lot more understanding than Suzy or even Ross. She doesn't mind him talking about Arin. She actually kind of embraces it, to let Dan know that he isn't crazy like everyone else thinks. She IS the one who talked Suzy into signing him up for a therapist after Barry died, but he doesn't believe that was because of Arin. Suzy sure mentions Arin more so than Barry to his therapist though. And that only makes things worse, because it's just another adult who wears empathy like a fifty cent mask from Walgreen's. Fake and cheap.

       But, Dan really does feel like shit for lying to Suzy, so he decides to just tell Holly what happened. 

      "I kissed Arin, all right?" Dan sounds more defensive than he means to. "I kissed him up there in my room and he didn't kiss me back and I know he won't come down here to get me so I stayed downstairs, okay? That's why."

     Holly stops mid-reach for her coffee. She lets her hand fall back on the surface of the table. "You...kissed Arin?"

      Dan scowls at his untouched coffee. He nods. 

     Holly lets out a short laugh. "I totally knew it."

     Dan looks up at her for the first time this morning. "What?"

    "That you're gay. I totally called it but I never knew how to bring it up without sounding like a bitch."  
      Dan half smiles. "Gee. Thanks Holly."

      Holly puts her hands up in mock surrender. "Hey I never said that was a bad thing. You just uh, you never seemed very straight Daniel."

      Dan lets his face fall in his hands, feeling the flush in his cheeks. "Oh my god I hate you."

      "I'm serious Dan." Holly takes another gulp of coffee. "I don't care who you fuck."

     "Holly!" Dan exclaims. He looks behind him to see if Suzy heard that, but he finds himself laughing. A relief washes over him and he realizes that it's been way too long since he's laughed. It feels good to just sit here and crack jokes, pretending nothing's wrong. Breaking the tension every once in a while is nice.

       See, this is what he means. Holly's more understanding than almost anyone he knows. Ross, Suzy, even his therapist.

     Except Arin of course. But Dan can't quite confide in him right now. 

     "Speaking of Arin, actually." Holly goes to take another drink of coffee and she downs the rest of it. "Your appointment is tomorrow, but Suzy has work so I wanted to know if you wanted me to drive you."

      All of the relief melts out of Dan in an instant. His smile falls and he's back to staring at his cup. The steam has stopped rising from it. 

      "I mean, sure. If you're not being put out," Dan mumbles. He drags his finger around the rim of the cup, wanting to hide up in his room.

     "Of course not!" Holly says, either not noticing the sudden change in Dan's demeanor, or ignoring it all together. She stands up from the table and sticks her cup in the sink. On the way back, she ruffles Dan's hair and he is quickly reminded of when Arin would always do that. 

      "I don't mind doing things for you kiddo, you know that. Besides, afterwards, I bet Suzy doesn't take you to see a movie." 

     Dan looks up at Holly, and she gives a small wink. Of course she noticed Dan's change of mood. She wouldn't ever ignore it like Suzy sometimes does. 

     "Thanks Holly," Dan says, managing a ghost of a smile before standing up and giving her a big hug. She immediately hugs back with no objection, wrapping her arms around Dan as tight as she can without suffocating him. He is grateful for the feeling of being able to bury himself in someone's embrace. To feel safe like this. When was the last time he felt completely safe?

     The last time he felt safe like this was when he hugged Arin last, and suddenly he is sobbing into Holly's shirt. 

     "Woah woah," Holly says, pulling away from Dan and holding him at arm's length. Dan can't hold it in anymore. One fucking night away from Arin is way too much. He messed up so bad. He feels like everything between them is completely ruined. "Dan, what's going on? Is it Arin?"

     He nods, using his hand to wipe the snot off his face. He tries to compose himself before talking so he doesn't give himself a heart attack or something. "I k-kissed him and he d-didn't kiss back and I feel like I..." he takes a breath. "I feel like I sc-crewed everything up. And...and I miss him."

      Holly pulls Dan in close and Dan practically collapses into her. They both slide down to the floor and she lets him cry. 

      "Dan? Oh my god are you okay?" Someone says Dan's name, but he can barely hear anything between being held by Holly and his own sobbing. Holly looks over and sees Suzy standing a few feet away from them, looking very worried. 

      Holly mouths 'just go on, I'll handle this' and gives Suzy a hand motion for her to go. She hesitates.

     "You sure?" Suzy asks quietly. Holly nods, and Suzy stands there for a few seconds before walking away, looking behind her as she goes. 

     "Let it out buddy. It's okay." Holly pets Dan's hair lovingly, holding him like he were a small child. Dan doesn't care, he is so grateful for the way Holly is handling this. He tries to stop crying so he can let her go home already, but he just can't. So he does as she says, and really lets it all out.

     After what feels like an hour, Dan finally goes silent. That kind of calm feeling engulfs him. The one he gets after a long-ass cry like this one. It's a sort of neutral, tired feeling that alters reality a bit. So before he falls asleep on the kitchen floor, Dan finally pulls away from Holly, grimacing at the stains he left on her shirt. 

      "Feel better?" Holly asks quietly. Dan nods, reaching a hand up to pull the hair that stuck to his face off his forehead and cheeks. He sure feels like taking a shower right now.

      "I do actually," Dan says. His voice is raspy, and he can barely see because his eyes have swelled up so much. "Thank you, Holly. Really. I know..." he pauses. Snickers. "I know it must not be the best having a kid cry into you and stain your shirt with his snot."

      Holly looks down at all the stains on her shirt. She just laughs. "Yeah, it's all right though. You look worse."

      Dan laughs too. "Thanks."

      "No problem," Holly says. She stands up, offering a hand to help Dan up. He takes it and fixes his shirt that has its own set of crying stains. 

      "I think I'm gonna head out, okay? And I'll be over to pick you up at...like...ten? Is that okay? Your appointment's at noon."

     Dan nods. "Yeah. That's fine. Thanks again."

     "Totally." Holly pulls Dan in for a quick hug. During it, she whispers in his ear. "I think you should take a shower. You'll feel better. Then you should talk to Suzy because she's probably scared to death." She lets him go, and looks him right in the eyes so he knows she means what she's about to say. "And then I don't think anything will be solved if you stay away from Arin. Talk to him too."

      Dan feels the anxiety in the pit of his stomach because he knows she's right.

     "Okay. I will."

     Holly holds her pinky out. "Promise?"

     Dan rolls his eyes, but he shakes pinkies with her anyway. "Promise."

     Holly nods, satisfied. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow Danny."

     "Bye Holly." Holly gives a salute, and turns out of the kitchen. He turns too, and grabs his cup of coffee, pouring it into the sink and washing both cups. He hears the front door shut and he knows she's left.

      Dan takes a deep breath, stepping into the living room to let Suzy knows he's okay.

    Then he's taking a long shower. And then maybe a nap. He's tired.

     Arin can wait until tomorrow.


	5. Appointment

"So Dan, how do you feel right now?" Dr. Wecht has his pencil poised over a small notepad, ready to write, as he stares at Dan.

   Dan is wearing a too small shirt and holy jeans right now, at courtesy of Suzy. He had begged her to go up and grab an outfit for him before she went to work this morning because he's still scared to talk to Arin. He needs time to figure out what to say. So after a good bit of pleading, Suzy dug around in his closet and found an old Rush shirt that he got when he was eleven, and a random pair of jeans that happened to be the holiest pair he owns. 

      "I'm just peachy," Dan says. Dr. Wecht lets out a small sigh, setting his notepad on the squat table next to him. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands under his chin.  

     "Dan, you do realize I can't help you if you don't give me honest answers." He toys with the ring on his left hand.

    "How's your wife Brian?" Dan asks. Dr. Wecht's expression falls, and he rubs his eyes, obviously annoyed. 

     "Dan," He says. "I'm the psychiatrist. Let me help you, okay? My love life is fine."

     "But that's the problem, don't you understand?" Dan leans forward too, suddenly serious. "If you want to have a good relationship with me, or any of your patients, then you can't treat this place like a plastic box. You can't treat your job like a...well...a job. Look at this place. It's unwelcoming." Dan gestures to the room, and Dr. Wecht looks around at it.

     The walls are a stark white, covered with a few pictures and a framed copy of his PhD next to his desk, near the door. There are a few chairs scattered around. Some are near shelves filled with trinkets, some are against desks with drawing materials, and some are just kind of sitting there. Save for the necessities, the room is bare.

     "Care to elaborate a little more?" Dr. Wecht asks, glad to have finally gotten Dan to talk about something, even if it's criticism about his job.

     "Certainly." Dan crosses one leg over the other, balancing his elbow on his knee so he can rest his chin on his hand. "When you think about it Brian, you want a good relationship with your patients, right? You want them to feel comfortable around you, so they can feel safe talking to you about their problems. You almost, if not absolutely, want a sort of friendship to form between you and a patient. So how do you make friends, Dr. Wecht?" Dan waits for an answer. He receives a shrug. "You treat them like a friend. Friendship, however, is not a one sided operation. One friend doesn't whine about problems while the other constantly offers advice." He pauses. "You have a wife, right?"

       Dr. Wecht glances at his ring. "I do. Rachel."

     Dan throws his hands up in the air. "Then how come I haven't heard about her? You wanna be my friend, right?"

      "Of course."

     "Then treat me like one. Tell me about your day.  Come in telling me how good your wife's cooking is or how crappily you slept last night. Tell me jokes, ask me about sports. Ask me what I wanna be when I grow up. Like, be a friend to me. Let me get to know you, and let you get to know me before you try and solve all my mental problems. It's been...what, almost two years now? I know almost nothing about you."

      Dr. Wecht hesitates. "You know me."

     "Dr, I don't even know how old you are. Where you live. Your favorite color. I don't know anything. Think about it. And then think about what you know about me."

     So Dr. Wecht does this. He tries to think back to all the things he's told Dan about himself. Every week for, yeah, almost two years now. What has he revealed about his own life? 

      Virtually nothing. Damn.

     "Do you see what I mean?" Dan asks, more gently now. "I don't know who you are. And vice versa. So, why don't we fix that?"

      Dr. Wecht slowly nods. "Wow. I am...so sorry Dan. I had no idea."

     Dan waves a dismissive hand. "It's fine. So, let's fix this one step at a time, yeah? Let's start over." He sticks his hand out, and Dr. Wecht hesitantly puts his out too, and shakes Dan's hand. 

      "I'm Dan Avidan. You can call me Dan or Danny. Whatever you like. You are?" 

     "I'm Brian Wecht. You can call me Dr--" Dan shoots him a look. "I mean, you can call me Brian."

     Dan smiles. So does Brian. 

    "Great. So that's it, right? Easy. Have a good day Brian." Dan stands up from his chair, starting for the door. But he feels a hand on the hem of his shirt. 

     "You aren't getting away that easily Dan. Suzy is still paying for this, you know." Dan looks at Brian, who has a stern look on his face. He isn't messing around.

     Dan sighs, slumping into his seat again. "What do you want to know?"

     Brian reaches over for his pen and pad again. "I want to know about Arin. Suzy told me that Holly told her, that YOU told her that you kissed him."

     Dan's heart falls into his stomach. Goddammit Holly. 

     He tries to play it cool, not letting Brian know how nervous he's just become. "What is this, high school? Passing information like notes in bio?"

     Brian taps the end of his pen against the notepad. "I'm not messing around, Dan. What happened? Is what I heard true?"

     Dan stares at the floor, feeling all of the blood rushing to his face. He nods.

     He can hear Brian sigh, jot something down on his notepad. "Dan--"

     "I get it, okay? I hear it from everyone. I don't need to hear it again."

     "No, Dan. You do. You need to hear it. You need to understand--"

     "Stop it-"

    "You have to come to terms with the fact that Arin is-"

    Dan puts his hands over his ears. "Shut up!"

     "He's not real, Dan. He isn't." Brian sets his pen and paper aside and reaches out to put a hand on Dan's shoulder. Dan jerks back like he's been hit. He stands up so abruptly that the chair actually wobbles, threatening to fall.

     "I'm sorry Dan," Brian says quickly. "I'm sorry to make you angry."

     Dan pushes a hand through his hair. "Well you do!" He yells. He starts pacing up and down the room. "All of you do! Suzy and Ross and YOU! All of you make me feel like I'm a fucking nut case for having a friend who actually gives a shit about me! Because the last person who loved me like that, sorry to say, yeah, he's in a coffin!"

      Brian stands up from his chair. "Dan, I'm sure Suzy and them all love you."

     "How do you know? You don't! You just don't!" Dan can feel the tears sting the back of his eyes again, but he forces them back. He is NOT going to cry in front of Brian. Not now. Not fucking ever. "Arin is real, okay? You aren't going to convince me otherwise. He's real." And in that moment, Dan can hear the words Arin has said to him more than once. He feels the ghost of Arin's poke on his nose. "I can hear him. See him. Feel him. I can. Which means he's real. He is!"

     Brian stares at Dan walking up and down the room. It's apparent that he isn't going to be able to get any further with Dan today. "I think we're done today Dan."

     Dan stops pacing, looking at Brian. He takes three long strides and suddenly, he's right up in Brian's face. He plants a finger right in the middle of Brian's chest. "I did not agree to come to you for Arin, you hear me? This whole thing was meant for Barry. And Barry is the ONLY reason I'm still here. I'm not crazy. Arin is real. He's real and I kissed him and I have to talk to him. Okay? Don't bring him up to me again."

      Brian swallows his pride, and tells Dan something he probably won't want to hear. "I'd have to talk to your legal guardian," he says quietly. He means Suzy.

     Dan almost growls at his psychiatrist, turning around abruptly. "Do whatever."

     And just because Dan was raised this way, and because he knows Brian is doing his job, though doing it kind of shittily, he stops with his hand on the door knob. "I'm sorry for yelling," he mumbles. Then he walks out of the room, leaving Brian stranded in the middle of it wondering how he went from a man with PhD to a man with a whole damn foot in his mouth.


	6. Face It

Two more awful nights on the couch and a forty five minute self-motivation pep talk in the bathroom later, Dan feels ready enough to finally talk to Arin about what happened.

     He knocks on the door softly, barely, but enough for someone in his room to hear. There is no response.

     He's got his ear pressed up against his bedroom door right now, listening for any indication of Arin being in there. Dan can't hear a thing, which is a little worrying, honestly. He's spent two whole days messing up his back on that damn couch, trying to find the things he would say to Arin. He wants to be able to confront him before the little courage he has melts away.

      "Arin?" Dan says quietly. There is no answer. "Arin, are you in there?" He knocks again. 

      Dan opens the door to his room just a crack, enough to see inside. His room has always had a lot of knick knacks and posters and things in it, and all of them are untouched. Nothing in his room seems disturbed, except his bed. The covers are twisted up and his pillow has a clear dent in it. He suddenly remembers that he didn't leave his bed unmade like that. Which means Arin has been in Dan's room, probably laying on his bed at night, staring up at the ceiling and wondering what possessed Dan to kiss him. 

     Dan steps in his room all the way, looking around as he shuts the door behind him. It's eerily silent in there. Everything seems so still that Dan almost doesn't want to disturb it by walking around. But he does, because he notices an open paper on his desk. It's ripped out of a notebook, something he never does with paper, and the handwriting is definitely not his own. 

     Once he's at his desk, he picks up the paper and reads it.

     'When I left after the first night, I locked the window. Unlock it when you want me to come back. -Arin'

      Dan glances over at his window, conveniently next to a very climbable tree. He always leaves it open so Arin can get in, but right now it is closed, and when Dan walks over to it, he can see that it is indeed locked. 

      "Fuck you Arin," Dan whispers to himself. "You and your consideration."

      Dan unlocks the window, flings it open, and flops on his bed to wait.


	7. Resolve

Dan doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he feels himself being shaken awake, he glances at the time on his phone. It reads 3:18 in the morning.

      Alright then.

     "Dan?" Dan immediately freezes in his movements. That voice.

     Of course it's Arin. Who else would wake him up at three in the morning?

     "Arin, hey." Dan scoots up into a sitting position, trying to level his breathing so he doesn't panic. Everything he had planned to say falls away, and he waits for Arin to speak up so he doesn't have to. 

     But Arin doesn't say anything. He just sits there on Dan's bed with his legs crossed, waiting for Dan's words. His hair isn't in a ponytail right now. It just falls in wiry strips down his shoulders, letting Dan know that he probably hasn't showered in a while. 

~

      Dan remembers the first time he knew he was in love with Arin. It was somewhere around three months ago, at four in the morning. Dan couldn't sleep again. Ever since Barry's death, Dan would have, and still does have (though not as frequently) nightmares that replay the crash over and over. They'd been happening for nights and nights, and he could never get a wink of sleep. 

      One of those nights, Dan had actually woken up screaming. He was screaming and shaking and he felt so unsteady on his own bed. And then suddenly he did. Because Arin was next to him in a second. He was wrapped in Arin's arms and Dan immediately felt better. And Dan didn't have to tell Arin what his nightmare was about because Arin didn't ask and he already knew anyway.

      Dan did manage, however, a small "Thank you."

     Arin nodded, and Dan looked up at him, and that's when he felt it. Almost like a piano key, he felt something inside of him being pressed, and then music came out. Dan never knew what exactly triggered it. But something about the way the light illuminated Arin's face around the edges and how his hair fell just right around his head and how he could see every bump and skip and feature of his face.

      Something about the way Arin looked that night released the spark on a trail of gunpowder leading right into Dan's eyes. Because in that moment it was like he was staring at fire. Glowing and hot and dangerously beautiful. And that was it. Dan was in love. There was no turning back.

      And what was Dan's first thought when he realized he was in love with his best friend?

      'Oh fuck.'

~

      Dan stops reminiscing, and looks at Arin. Arin's looking at the blanket on Dan's bed, deliberately.   
     No more time to waste. "Arin, I uh--"

     "Why'd you run?" Arin suddenly asks. Dan answers before he can stop himself.

     "Why didn't you kiss back?" He replies.

     The quiet hangs in the air for a few seconds. Arin had been struck silent. 

      "Dan--" Arin starts. Dan dares to look over at him. His brows are furrowed, like if he stares at the pattern of Dan's comforter long enough, the secret of what to say will be revealed. Arin sighs heavily. 

       For once in their relationship, Dan realizes that Arin doesn't know what to say. He can bring up how many different ways love can be used, or how vast and diverse the universe can be, or all these different, existential things. And yet, he can't talk about a kiss to his best friend.

      It is at least five minutes of silence between them before Dan musters the strength to speak. "Listen Ar, I'm not going to pretend that the kiss was a joke, or an accident, or-or something stupid like that. I kissed you. I meant it. I wanted it. Because I like you. I like you more than I should and sometimes I thought about what would happen if we...just...you know. Kissed. And so..I kissed you. And now I know what you think. So, it's fine."

      Arin doesn't reply right away. He opens his mouth and closes it a total of three times, but doesn't speak. Dan stares at him, tears threatening to come back. 

      "Ilkytoodan..." Arin finally mumbles. Dan leans in to hear him better.

     "What?" Dan asks. "What'd you say?"

     And in no time at all, Dan is being kissed by Arin. And after the initial shock of it, Dan realizes that Arin leaned in this time. He is kissing Dan, not the other way around. Arin is kissing him. Arin. Is kissing HIM.

       Arin's hand holds the back of Dan's neck and pulls him a little closer. Dan does this, and his hands move up and rest on Arin's shoulders. The barrel of gunpowder blows up right in Dan's face and he realizes that not only does Arin look like fire, he feels like it too. Arin's lips are so warm that they burn. His hands are like fire pokers and it's almost as if Dan can feel the marks Arin is leaving on him. 

      It's over way too soon. Arin pulls away completely and Dan frowns at the loss of his touch. They both fix their clothes and then they just kinda sit there for a moment, the only sound in the room being their own breathing. 

      "I said," Arin says. "I like you too Dan."

      Dan smiles at the ground, feeling blood rush to his face. This time though, it's not out of embarrassment. 

      "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." Dan gets up from the bed and walks over to his desk. He rummages through a drawer full of notebooks filled to the brim with words and doodles. Dan never gets rid of his writing, no matter how cringeworthy it may be. He yanks a notebook out of the pile and walks back to the bed, tossing it Arin's way. 

      "What's this?" He asks, picking it up. It's a one subject notebook with a pink cover. It has the name 'Arin' written on it in sharpie, underlined a bunch of times. And in small print near the corner, it says 'do not open until instructed to do so.'

      Arin looks up at Dan. "Can I open it?"

     Dan nods. "Yes, so now you can see what a weirdo I've always been."

     Dan sits at his desk chair, watching Arin read what Dan has written about him. Every Arin-related thought that Dan has ever had is in that notebook, and now Arin is reading it.

      "Wow Dan, this spans back to the first day we met," Arin remarks, his finger trailing down the page to keep his place. It's a wonder he can even read all the chicken scratch. But he does, occasionally smiling and snickering. 

      Dan stares at Arin reading what he's written until he falls asleep in his chair. By the time he wakes up, the sun is well above the horizon, and Suzy is gently shaking his shoulder. 

      "Hey Danny," She says quietly. "Were you up all night writing again?"

      Dan starts to shake his head no. "No, I was..." His eyes trail over to where Arin had been sitting with the notebook. But neither Arin nor the notebook is there. But when Dan looks down, he realizes the notebook is laying right in front of him, open to a random page with a pencil sitting on top of it. 

      "Huh," Dan says. "Guess I did."

      Suzy tsks. "You gotta sleep at night dude."

      Dan scoffs. "Sleep is for the weak."

     "Well," Suzy says, ruffling Dan's hair. "Come down to breakfast tough guy. I made scrambled eggs." Dan's face lights up and his stomach growls. It's been a while since he last ate, with the whole Arin situation. But now that it's solved, Dan feels like he could eat a horse. 

      Suzy exits the room, and Dan goes to put the notebook away, but notices that something extra is written on the page he's opened up to. It's another note from Arin; something he scratched in one of margins. It reads: 'Daniel, would you like to go on a date with me into the forest for stuff and things of the gay variety. Say, five tomorrow night. Y/N.'

       Dan feels a smile creep onto his face, and he puts a big circle around Y, completing it with a few hearts. Dan gets up and sets the notebook, pen holding the page, on the windowsill of the window that Arin left open this time. It feels good to feel normal again.

     Now. Breakfast. Dan is starving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm forcing myself to have some restraint. I can't update so fast anymore. Sorry :(


	8. The Date Pt. One

There are three shirts laying on Dan's bed right now, and he can't figure out which one to wear for the life of him. 

     "Why is this so hard," he says to himself. "I'm not a girl. It's just a date."

     Dan's heart skips a beat when he says the word 'date' out loud. He's actually going on a date. With Arin. Less than a week ago, he'd been crying into Holly's arms thinking that he ruined everything. And now here he is. Going on a date with Arin. In less than an hour.

     It's hard to believe.

     Dan sighs. "Okay, just, pick one already."

     There are three candidates Dan has picked out to possibly wear on his date. One shirt is a blue one that says 'unicorns are real'. Under that is a decal of a corn cob on a unicycle. Ross got it for him for his birthday. The second one is a black shirt he bought at Hot Topic. He doesn't know the band, but he liked the design on it. Fancy letters, so fancy in fact, that he can't even read what it says. The third is one that Suzy made him when she went out to a crafting class. It's a shirt tye dyed all rainbow with the words 'Suzy says I'm pretty so fuck you.' written on it. How she managed to get that on a shirt with such clean lettering, Dan will never know. 

      In the end, he goes with none of them, settling on a black tank top that he believes Arin once said was his favorite.

     Dan heads downstairs to grab a quick snack before the date. Arin never said anything about food, just 'stuff of the gay variety', and Dan wouldn't know what to bring anyway, so he figures to just eat before he goes.

      He's in the kitchen, at the cupboard, his hand on a pack of skittles when he hears his name being called from the living room.

     Dan reluctantly lets his skittles go and steps into the living room. Suzy is on the couch, a game controller sitting in her lap. Dan is suddenly struck with a few scenes of he and Suzy and Barry, all three together, playing games for hours. All kinds of games. Sometimes, Barry and Suze would buy horror games just for the sake of torturing Dan. Sometimes, they'd stay up till the wee hours of the morning, relentlessly slaving away at a co-op video game. 

      They always had a good time, the three of them. Hell, even Ross and Holly would stop by with their own controllers, and the five of them would play together. It was always a good time.

      Something Dan had forbid himself from doing ever since the day of the crash. It would never feel the same.

      Dan swallows the memories that sting his throat, and he flops in a chair near the couch. He deliberately turns away from the paused game on the TV screen.

      "What's up?" Dan asks.

      Suzy sets the controller next to her, crossing her arms. A smile plays at the corner of her lips as she eyes him up and down. "I haven't seen you in that tank top in ages."

      Dan casts a lazy glance down at himself, and answers with a shrug. "Eh, it's a special occasion."

      Suzy raises an eyebrow. "Oh? How so? You got a date or something?"

      Dan can't keep the smile from jumping onto his face, or the red that flushes into his cheeks. He looks at the floor. "Yeah, maybe," he mumbles.

       "Oh, woah, wait. Seriously?" Suzy leans forward, suddenly alert. "You actually are going on a date? With who? Details!"

      Dan looks up at Suzy. Her hair is swept to one side, falling in a wave down her right shoulder. Her eyes are gleaming and surrounded in dark makeup done with a careful hand. She may not be going anywhere today, but that never stops her. Hands rest on her knees, crossed over one another. Her smile full of white teeth and lips full of black lipstick makes her look especially beautiful. She looks so excited to hear about Dan's love life. 

      Dan knows what he says next will shut her down. He doesn't want to tell her the truth, but he just can't bring himself to lie. 

     "I'm....going with Arin. At five. In the woods."

     Suzy's smile fades, disappears. "Oh, with...with Arin." She stares at the fringe on her jean shorts, fiddling with a thread that's sticking out. "Did-did you ask him or..."

      "He asked me," Dan finishes. He crosses one leg over the other, attempting to look as casual as possible. His heart is in his stomach. He sits there and wonders how long this will take before they launch into an argument.

      Suzy takes a minute to reply. "About that, actually. Um..." she searches for words. The right words to say. "I talked to Dr. Wecht yesterday on the phone and...I heard that your last session didn't...go so well."

      Dan smiles, facetious intentions bubbling into his grin. "Really? I thought it went just fine. Brian and I talked about the meaning of friendship, we had a little talk, and that's about it."

      Suzy sighs, obviously annoyed. "Wow, that's interesting. Because I heard that you got horribly aggressive at the sheer mention of your kiss with Arin, and you demanded that he never bring him up to you again."

      Dan taps his chin. "Doesn't ring a bell."

     "Dan." Suzy's tone is firm, unyielding to Dan's sarcasm this time. "This isn't a joke."

      "Am I laughing?" Dan asks. He leans forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees. Balancing his chin on his hands, he says, "I'm being serious. I don't want Arin brought up to me in that place. He doesn't understand, and frankly, I don't think he cares."

       "Of course he cares," Suzy retorts, a little too quickly.

      "And you know that how? You're not in his brain. And he isn't in mine so I don't understand how he thinks that whole psychiatry thing works. Everyone thinks differently and you can't really use the same medicine every time you want to shut someone up." He glares at her, hinting at the mistakes made in the past. He knows how to hit where it hurts.

      "Danny!" Suzy rises from her place on the couch. Anger is showing in her face and it's easy to tell she's trying not to raise her voice. "I already promised we'd never use medicine on you any more. Don't even bring that into the conversation. But I'm not letting Brian leave Arin out of your sessions."

      Dan decides to rise too. Suzy may be older, but Dan tops her by a good inch or two. "Why not? I only got that shrink because of Barry!" The one name alone twists his insides, and suddenly, all his fight goes away. He slumps back into his chair, burying his head in his hands.

      "Dan--" Suzy starts.

      "I only agreed to go because of Barry." Dan speaks through his fingers, not wanting to look up at her. "And now, we don't even bring him up. It's always 'hey. hi. how are you? what's this new thing about Arin that you're hallucinating?'" A defeated breath escapes his lips. His voice comes out low, hurt. "I hate it Suzy. I hate it. I hate it because all of you make me feel like I'm fucking crazy."

      Suzy is silent. Dan doesn't bother to look up at her. 

     After a few moments, Dan can feel Suzy petting his hair. Arms are wrapped around him and a head is against his shoulder. Dan doesn't want to give in to her touch, but she's so warm. And Dan feels so freezing all of a sudden. He hugs her back, sliding down to the carpet to give them a more comfortable position to sit in.

     "I'm sorry Danny," Suzy says quietly. It's almost as if there's a certain ambience in the room that she doesn't dare break. "I'm so sorry you feel like that. I'm so sorry."

      'It's fine' licks at his lips like fire. Dan almost says the words, but he forces them down like cold soup. It isn't fine. "I do feel like that," he says instead. "I feel like that all the time. Because no matter what I do, everyone older than me says I should be doing the opposite. It's like..." Dan laughs. A dry laugh that felt like it was punched out of him. "It's like I'm drowning, and you throw the life saver at me. But you won't let me touch it."

      Suzy's brows furrow. "I don't understand."

     Dan scoffs, easing himself out of Suzy's hold. "I don't expect you to." He stands up, straightening his clothes. He tries to speak in a gentle voice. "I still don't want Arin brought up my sessions. Either that or...I don't go. That's it. That's my offer."

     Suzy scrambles to her feet. Her voice is low, careful. "Dan, I really think that it's in your best interest--"

     Dan snorts out a laugh. A bitter, angry laugh that rises from the pit of his stomach. "There it is!" Dan yells. He makes grand gestures with his hands as he speaks. "There's the tag freakin' line! It's in your best interest."

      Suzy frowns, suddenly angry. "Dan, what the fuck?"

      He points at her. "How do YOU know what's best for me?"

      "I've been looking after you for seven years Dan! What do you think, I barely know who you are?"

      "Yeah, it doesn't seem like you know me." Dan smacks falling hair out of his eyes. "Because if you haven't noticed, the ONLY person who actually gives a fuck about my happiness and well-being is someone EVERYONE else around me calls a delusion. A hallucination. A figment. How do you think that makes me feel? Do you think feeling like a sack of shit every time I leave my room is in my best interest?"

      Suzy blinks, struck silent. Dan slides his phone out of his pocket and checks the time. It's almost five. "I'm going with Arin," he says. Dan speeds past Suzy and opens the front door.

     He turns around just long enough to see the shocked, hurt expression on Suzy's face. 

     Dan doesn't even feel bad. "Don't wait up."

     He shuts the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied. 
> 
> And, I'm really proud of this chapter. Subjectively, I get it's real angsty, but I'm proud of the way it was written <3


	9. The Date Pt. Two

There is a ten minute span where Dan wanders helplessly through the forest, finally realizing that Arin never told him WHERE they would meet up to do gay things. So Dan just meanders around trees, trying to spot landmarks to maybe find out where Arin could be via Bear Grylls style, but he's hopelessly uneducated. Dan's never been in this forest before, he's only ever seen it from a distance. So he settles for calling out Arin's name like a kid calling for his mama.

     Dan walks around until it's well past five when he stumbles upon a note attached to a tree. It's a stark white in contrast to the dark colors around him. It reads: 'Daniel, I forgot to tell you where we would meet up. My b. So to the right, straight to the right, is a huge ass pond. That's where I'll be. Call for me, I'll answer back when I can hear you.'

     Only Arin calls him Daniel. 

     Dan turns on his heel and heads right, daring to call out. "Arin!" he yells. There's no response. He walks a little farther.

     "Arin!" Dan calls again. This time, he's met with a voice calling back.

     "Danny!" Arin. That means he's getting close. Dan speeds up, almost jogging now, when he finally bursts into a clearing. At first, all Dan notices is the glimmer of light shining off the water. Arin's right, this pond is pretty big. It's almost a perfect circle, brimming with lush plant life. Lilies surround edges of the pond and little bushes are scattered around the area. It's almost some kind of fantasy land.

      And on the side of the fantasy land sits Arin, waving to him. Dan happily walks over, plopping down next to his friend.

     "Thought you'd never make it," Arin says. Dan rolls his eyes.

     "Well according to your note, that's your fault."

     Arin nods, suppressing a laugh, staring out at the lake. While he does this, Dan gets a good look at him. He seems positively glowing. His hair is back in its ponytail, no longer greasy and unwashed. He looks showered, clean, much better than he had the night of their kiss. He wears a white shirt with pastel pink sleeves on it, and some shorts that stop at the knee. He looks happy, brown eyes glinting in the setting sun.

      "So," Dan says. Arin jumps a little, being jerked back into reality. "What do you wanna do?"

      Dan receives a shrug from Arin. "I don't know man. Kiss? Hug? Give each other hot blowies?"

     "Arin!" Dan shoves Arin's shoulder as they both laugh. 

     "Well, I did specify that we'd do gay things."

     Dan nods. "That you did." He stares at out at the water, slowly lapping at the rocks because of the breeze. However, despite the wind, Dan can feel the warmth of the sun on his shoulders. It's nice and hot, if even a little humid. He's glad he wore the tank top. 

     "This place is beautiful," Dan comments, picking at a piece of grass as he looks at the water. "How'd you find it?"

      "I've known about it," Arin says. He leans back and lays on the ground, hands behind his head. "I don't remember when I found it. It's just been here. No one else ever comes here so it's like my own personal place. Well--" Arin pauses, smiles at the sun. "--Our personal place now."

      Dan feels the warmth in his chest from that statement, and he lays down in the grass too. For a while, he and Arin just stare at the sun continuing to dip. Clouds start to dominate most of the sunlight, but instead of the bright blue of noon, the sky is fading into pink and orange. A soft gradient that Dan can't help but be mesmerized by. It's so pretty, so soft. It's so calming here, in the grass, near the water, staring at the sky next to his best friend. 

     "Hey Dan," Arin suddenly says. Dan jerks awake, not realizing that he'd almost fallen asleep. It's almost dark now, barely any light  from the sun in the sky. Dan sits up, rubbing his eyes.

     "Yeah Arin?"

     Arin pushes himself into a sitting position too, turning to Dan. "Can you sing?"

     Dan stares at Arin for a second, then giggles. "Well I like to think I can sing, yeah."

    "Not THAT," Arin says with a playful shove to Dan's shoulder. "I mean, could you sing for me?"

     Dan pauses. "Right now?"

     Arin nods. His eyes light up suddenly and he taps Dan's shoulder excitedly. "Oh oh! Could you sing one of your songs? From your 'finished' notebook? Please?"

      Dan smiles at Arin's enthusiasm. The smile fades as he tries to think about the songs in his notebook titled 'Finished'. The amount of writing that Dan has finished can be counted on one hand. The notebook hasn't been touched in ages, and Dan can barely remember what songs he has written in them.

      "Like what?" Dan asks. He knows there must be something in it, enough for Arin to bring up. But he just can't conjure a song from it. 

      Arin looks off into the distance, thinking as well. After a minute, he says, "Well what about the one about fire bugs? Is that what it's called? Firebug?"

      The bell in Dan's head suddenly rings, and the memories come back to him in almost an instant. "Firefly." He remembers sitting down to write that one. It was just before he fell asleep. His eyes flew open and he had written the lyrics down before he could process them himself. Reading them back, he was incredibly proud of himself. 

     "That one." Arin nods. He shifts himself so he's sitting cross legged. "Can you do that one?"

     Dan nods, quiet for a second. He listens to the wind rustling through the trees stop. The few bugs that had been chittering in the grass now go silent. Even the sounds of little animal critters running around in the forest stop. It's as if the entire area has taken in a breath, waiting for Dan's voice. It's incredibly humbling, if only a coincidence. 

      Dan straightens his back instinctively, recalling the tune. After that, he closes his eyes, and begins to sing.

~

Just like fireflies  
Briefly held  
Meant to be let go  
Somewhere in the night

The words you spoke will always light an  
Echo in my mind  
The last goodbye one breath within our  
Ever shifting lives

The vast divided skies were meant to fly

~

      After Dan is done singing, the forest resumes its natural life. The breeze starts up again, and the leaves rustle applause. 

      Dan looks over at Arin, who is sitting with the biggest smile on his face. His eyes are closed, but soon open when he realizes that Dan has stopped singing. The smile doesn't leave his face though. 

     "Wow," Arin says. "Wow wow. That was...Oh my god. That was amazing!"

     Dan feels a blush start coming into his cheeks, and he is suddenly grateful for the darkening sky. 

     "Thanks Arin, but I got a lot to improve on."

     "Dude, no, that was awesome. You could really make a living off of that some day."

     Dan is struck silent, the words echoing in his head. You could really make a living off of that someday. He never really thought of that. Well, he had, but not seriously. He can sing, he already knows that, but he never even considered doing it as a steady job. Is it even possible to do it as a steady job?

     "You really think so?" Dan asks.

     Arin nods quickly. "Totally dude. People all over are looking for talent like that. And you can write you own music, you're fuckin golden!"

     Dan can't hide the doofy grin that jumps on his face. Hearing Arin say that with such openness, such genuine praise, makes Dan want to kiss him.

     So he does. 

     Arin is as eager as Dan is, and was probably waiting for this moment. They immediately push themselves into each other, zero distance between them. Arin runs his fingernails down Dan's bare arm, leaving simple white trails. The movement sends a chill down Dan's back, and the slightest gasp escapes his throat. Now he's really glad he wore the tank top.

      They ease back down onto the grass. No one is on top or on bottom. They just lay there, side by side, lips on lips. Eyes are closed, bodies are close, hands are holding whatever piece of clothing they can find, and it is peaceful. 

      After a minute or two, Dan pulls away. Centimetres seperate them. They share the same air. Dan wants to say something. He had pulled away for a reason. He meant to say something. What did he plan to say? Thank you? More please?

     "Hm," is all Dan can manage. Arin cocks an eyebrow.

     "What? Was I bad?" 

     Dan shakes his head. "Nah, you're fine."

     "Then what did you 'hm' for?"

      Dan's answer is another kiss. This one is speedy, more frantic. All the built up lust starts to bubble to the surface for both of them. Hands start moving faster and suddenly it is not only humid, it's stifling. Dan stops long enough to slip out of the tank top. Arin takes the time to take his shirt off too. 

      Dan isn't the most muscular guy in the world, but he's learned to be fine with it. Arin is pretty muscled up, but he also has a little extra pudge on him. So they compliment each other perfectly.

     They stare at each other for a minute, taking in each other's body. First time they've been shirtless in front of each other. 

     "Wow."

     "Nice."

     "You too."

    "Thanks."

     They lean into each other again. Dan can't stop the low moan that sounds in his throat at the touch of Arin's skin against his. It feels so right, so unbelievably good, that he can't help himself. Dan feels up Arin's shoulders, moving down and lightly feeling the curve of him. They rest in the small of his back, content.

     Arin's hands move too. They move all over, shoulders to back to arms to chest. They can't get enough of each other. 

     Dan leaves kiss trails against Arin. He starts at his lips, then moves down his cheek, along his jawline, down his neck. He wonders if Arin would be cool with a hickey, but decides against it. That would ruin the fuzziness of the mood. Instead, Dan stops and lays down in the grass with Arin once again. The sound of bugs chittering in the distance is comforting. 

     "You know," Dan says, resting his forehead against Arin's. "I dreamt about this kind of thing. Between us. Is-is that weird?"

     Dan can feel the gentle shaking of Arin's head. "No, it's not weird. To be honest though, I never really did think about it. Until you kissed me."

      Dan's ears suddenly get hot. "Until I kissed you?"

     "Yeah. I was so shocked. At first I didn't know. Then I just went back at all the stuff we did together, how we interact, talk to each other. I realized, yeah, I do like you." Arin gives Dan another peck on the lips. "Maybe more than I let myself believe."

     "Well, that's good," Dan says. 

     The sky is completely dark now, the only light being the moon. The stars are bright here, in the forest. They shine like they own the place. It's so quiet. There is nothing here but the sound of nature and breathing. Dan could fall asleep here. 

      But he can't. He has a date in the morning. A date that Dan would rather not go one seeing as this one is going just fine.

     "Hey Dan?" Arin whispers. 

     "Yeah?"

     "I love you."

     It's all Dan can do to not smile wide enough to pull a muscle. 

     "I love you too Arin," Dan whispers back.


	10. A Less Appealing Date

The room is different.

     "Woah Doc, guess something I said made a mark, huh?" Dan stands in the doorway of Brian's office, taking in the new scenery.

     Since Dan has been here a week ago, the walls have been painted a light blue. More pictures line the walls, and the floor is a soft carpet instead of uninviting tile. It feels more like a living room instead of a psychiatrist's office. 

     "Yeah, actually." Brian stands from his desk, sliding his glasses off his face and setting them down. He walks over to he and Dan's normal spot in the corner and slides into a chair, motioning for Dan to do the same. 

      "It's nice," Dan comments as he plops into his own chair across from Brian. He stares at the carpet, a stark white. The kind of carpet that almost reminds Dan of cat's fur. He wants to take his shoes off and rub his feet in it, but he restrains himself.

     "You were right Dan," Brian says. He reaches over and grabs his signature notepad and pen. "It feels nice in here. I'm glad you brought it up."

     Dan gives a nod, still glancing around the room. It's mostly the same save for the walls and carpet, but the difference is there. Still a lot of work to do, but definitely an improvement. Dan feels like he could be comfortable in here. 

      "How's life treating you Brian?" Dan asks casually. He brings one leg up and wraps his arms around it, and lets the other one hang down. 

      "Eh, it's life. Going good. What about you Danny? How's it for you?" Brian has his pen hovering over the page, waiting for his answer.

     "Some good. Some bad. I got in a fight with Suzy. I went on a date with--" Dan stops himself, not wanting to even mention his name. "I went on a date. So, some good some bad."

      Brian makes a little note down on his paper, letting it rest on his knee. "I heard you got in an argument with Suzy. She told me. She told me you argued over going on a date with Arin."

     Dan feels it in the pit of his stomach. Of course Suzy would tell him. He isn't surprised, but it doesn't stop the specks of anger that plant themselves in his chest. 

     "Suzy and I did talk about your request, Dan." Brian folds his hands in front of him. "And she strongly advised against it. I can't deny her. I would love to comply and make you as comfortable as I can--"

      'Or make your job easier,' Dan thinks.

     "--but I have to go alongside with what the guardian thinks is in your best interest."

     "In my best interest," Dan echoes in a whisper. "Everyone's so kind, thinking about my well-being."

     "So," Brian begins, ignoring the last comment. "I wanted to just, talk about him. Nothing more. Like, what did you do on your date?"

     Dan shoots Brian a glare. Brian notices, and takes the hint. He clears his throat. "Okay then," he says. "Well, let's start with the basics. What does he like? Two years and I know nothing about him."

      "Maybe you don't know anything because you never did anything but scold me about him." Dan feels bitterness poking at his sides, and he wants rid of it quickly. Spitting it at his psychiatrist isn't the best way to do it, but he'd rather do that than be mean to Suzy again. 

     "I want to change that. If I can't leave Arin out of the conversation, the least I can do is compromise."

     "Aren't you 'aiding to my delusion?'" Dan asks.

     Brian shakes his head slowly, hesitantly. "No, I just want more insight. Get to know him. And then hopefully, get to know you."

      Dan looks at Brian, wondering if someone hit him in the head with something. So he went from telling Dan that Arin is a coping mechanism to wanting to know about him like he's a friend from Dan's school? 

      Might as well indulge him.

     "Well," Dan begins. "Arin likes pink a lot. He always wears it and it looks good on him.  He likes to play games and watching anime and being super philosophical at night. It's fun though. He's fun." Dan feels himself smile, letting the warmth replace the annoyance in his chest. Talking, even thinking about Arin always makes him feel better. More at home. Brian must scribbling notes like crazy, but Dan is staring down at the floor, thinking about his friend. 

      Or is he a boyfriend? I mean, they did kiss. Multiple times. And they were shirtless together. He should ask Arin when they meet up again. 

     "What do you guys usually talk about?" Brian asks.  
   
      "Just whatever. Sometimes we talk about games. Or school. Or family. Whatever comes to mind, you know? He's a good person. He always helps me clean my room and he always cheers me up when I'm sad and he helps me calm down when I panic and he's so cute when he pulls his hair up in a ponytail. You know how sometimes I do cause my hair is so long, it's like that. He's just...a regular guy."

      Dan pauses, glancing at Brian. He's a few pages deep in his notepad, more than he's gotten out of Dan in months. 

     "That's interesting Dan, it certainly is." Brian closes his pad and sets it aside.

      "It's not interesting," Dan says. "It's just life."

      "Well yes, but--"

      "But since Arin's not real, that's why it's interesting."

       Brian clears his throat again, nervously. "Partly, that's why. Yes. But it seems like he's a great source of comfort for you."

      Dan nods. 

     "How old is he?" Dan shrugs.

     "I dunno, old as I am," he says.

     "Interesting." 

     "How is it interesting though? He's just a dude. I'm just a dude. It's not interesting. It's just life."

      Brian gives a sly smile, snatching up his notepad once again. "Yes, Dan, but it's your life. Which is starting to become... increasingly fascinating."


	11. New Hair, New Band

Dan smiles at Arin as he poses in the middle of his room. He stands in a heroic position, looking as stoic as he can before bursting out in laughter.

      "It looks awesome dude," Dan says. Arin shakes his head vigorously, his freshly cut hair flying every which way. His new blonde streak is bright against his dark hair.

      "Thanks, I was worried it would look dumb." Arin abandons his impromptu fashion show and plops on the bed next to Dan. He crosses his legs and runs a hand through his locks just for fun. The wash at the salon had left his hair soft and clean, smelling of pineapple. 

      Dan shakes his head. "No, it looks great. I've never seen anything like it."

     Arin looks proud, hands falling into his lap. "Well good. I think I'm gonna keep it."

     They sit in silence for a little while. A comfortable silence that doesn't really feel like silence at all. Dan takes the time to go over a few conversations from the night before. 

     Arin and Dan finally had a talk about everything that's been happening romantically between them. It was a conversation filled with stutters and awkward pauses and a few stolen kisses, but now it's settled. He and Arin are officially dating. It wasn't something that Dan had been losing sleep over, but it was prodding at his brain. All this chemistry between them without the official 'Hey you're my boyfriend' made Danny a little nervous. He had been used like that before. And, of course Arin would never do something like that, but it was still a knee jerk reaction. 

     He talked with Suzy about all the fights they'd been having. Danny apologized, Suzy apologized, and their relationship is Kosher now. They did compromise, however. Dan talks about Arin at his sessions IF, and only IF, Dan is allowed to talk freely about him at home without Suzy stirring up controversy. They met in the middle there. Win win.

     He even called Ross and had a conversation. Just like old times.

      Everything's comin' up Danny.

     "So you really like my hair?" Arin suddenly asks. Dan looks over at him, his expectant face. 

     "I really do," Dan says. And he means it. It looks good, if a little out of the ordinary. But it works for Arin. "I bet it would look good on Suzy too."

     Arin raises an eyebrow. "You think so?" Dan nods. 

     "Yeah, she'd be one to do it too. Then you guys could match." Dan playfully nudges Arin's shoulder. Arin nudges back.

     "Or you could do it, wink wink." 

     "Are you kidding?" Dan shakes his head hard, brown curls going in every direction. "My hair's too curly for that."

      Arin picks a few strands and pulls them until they're straight. "You could straighten your hair."

      Dan imagines what that would look like. Taking hours to brush his hair to oblivion and then straughtening it until not a curl nor wave could be seen. It makes him laugh. "Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?"

     Arin laughs too. "Yes, I would. I could braid it or give you dreads or something."

     "Oh. My god. Me in dreads! HA!"

     Arin falls back on the bed, unable to contain his giggles. "That'd be great!"

     Dan just looks down at him. His hair splayed in every direction and a huge smile plastered on his face. He looks so happy right now, so in his element. 

     Dan has to kiss that. 

     He leans down and gives a quick kiss to Arin. But before it can escalate, he pulls away, walking over to his desk.

     "You tease," Arin says, propping himself up by the elbows. "Don't leave me hanging."

     "Don't tell me you're gettin' hard from a kiss."

      "Don't underestimate me."

     Dan just rolls his eyes as he rummages through his drawer of ever-stacking notebooks. He finally yanks one out, turning to Arin.

     "Okay, so." Dan holds the notebook up to his chest like a shield, purposely not showing Arin the cover. He drums the sides of the book nervously. "I'm gonna show you something, and you gotta promise not to judge me."

     Arin suddenly sobers, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "Of course dude. What's up?"

     Dan climbs onto the bed again, sitting cross legged. "I know I've been writing a bunch of depressing shit, but the other night, I got an idea for something that isn't so depressing. And I'd like to show you and see what you think."

      Arin holds out his hand, expectant. Dan takes in a breath, then holds it out to him before he changes his mind.

     Arin takes it gingerly. The cover reads NSP in huge black lettering. In smaller print, hiding under the 'NS' are the words 'Ninja Sex Party(?)'.

      Arin makes sure not to laugh so as to not shut Danny down right away. He looks up. "Ninja Sex Party 'question mark'?"

     Dan visibly reddens, looking at Arin's forehead instead of his eyes. "Yeah, it's just...kind of a working title. I don't know if I'll keep it."

     "I like it," Arin comments, looking down at the notebook again. He opens it, squinting at the scrawl written on the pages. He can't make a lot out, but what he can read, he can't quite believe.

    "There are three, three, three types of erections," Arin says aloud. He tries to keep the giggles down at the pit of his stomach. "Some are sexual. Some occur during periods of nervous tension. But there's a special third kind, that no one understands. It happens when your schlong decides to take matters into its own hands."

      Dan is blushing something fierce. Or is that embarrassment tinting his ears? Probably.

     "Why do you gotta read it out loud?" Dan asks.

     "I just--" The giggles are bubbling up. He forces them down. "I like it, I do. This is great dude. Lemme read some more."

     'No reason boner. No reason boner. It baffles scientists. No reason boner.'

      Arin can't keep it together anymore. He breaks down in giggles. Dan feels it in the back of his throat, and he holds his hands together, pressing his thumb into his other palm. 

     "I knew it was stupid," he says, reaching for the notebook. He snatches it away, clamping it shut. 

     "No! That's not why I'm laughing." Arin composes himself enough to talk clearly. He reaches over and taps the cover of it so Dan can see. "This is funny. It's funny. Comedy. That's why I'm laughing. It's not stupid, it's great!"

      Dan perks up a little bit. His heart, that was currently in his stomach jumped into his throat. "Really?"

     Arin nods. "Yeah man. It's really funny. That's a song?"

     "Yeah, I don't know how I'd make it into one, I've just got lyrics."

     Arin holds his hands out again. "Can I read more?"

     Dan looks down at his notebook, feeling more confident holding it. If Arin likes it, then what's the worry? He hands it back. "Sure."

     Arin takes the book and opens it again. Dan moves over on the other side of the bed, stretching out to lay down. "You mind if I lay here?"

     Arin nods, eyes locked on the page. "Nah, don't fall asleep though."

    "I won't."

~~~

    "Danny," Suzy says. "You gotta stop falling asleep while you write."

      Danny rubs his eyes groggily as Suzy moves over to his open window. She closes it, leaving the blinds open so the sunlight shines through. 

      Dan looks at his bed, seeing nothing but his closed notebook laying in an indent in the covers where Arin had been sitting.

      "Sorry Scuze," he says, wiping the hair out of his face and the drool off his mouth. "Shit happens though."

      "Don't fuckin swear." Suzy flashes a smile at Dan before walking out of Dan's room. The smell of bacon drives Dan from his room.

      Another day begins.


	12. The Crash

The hype was unbearable. 

       It was finally here. Finally! Barry and Dan were going to a Green Day concert. Their first time going together. All by themselves too! Dan was driving, he knew the way. It took a lot of convincing on his part, but he finally got Suzy to give in and let them go alone. 

     The concert wasn't for two hours, but Dan wanted to head out now, knowing that people were probably already lining up. He wanted to get a good parking spot. Barry wasn't sure about that, but he trusted Dan's judgement. Dan has been to a few concerts before this, after all. He should know.

       Suzy watched them anxiously from the middle of the living room as they practically jumped off the walls in their hurry to get ready. She was picking the polish off her nails, eyes darting from Dan to Barry as they went. Barry darted into the kitchen while Dan slipped his sneakers on.

      "Guys, are you sure you don't want me to drive you? Traffic can get crazy." Dan gave Suzy a look, but noticed the look she gave back. Worry shone in her eyes. Dan walked up to her, giving her a tight hug. 

      "We'll be fine, okay?" Dan said, pulling back. "I know how to drive."

      Suzy gave in. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Okay. But call me when you're there. And have fun."

      Barry walked out of the kitchen, mouth chewing a heap of chips as a last minute snack. Dan had warned him that once he was in his seat, there was no way he was leaving it. So he tried to eat enough to last him the rest of the night. He dangled the keys in his hands. "Let's go," he said through his chewing.

      Dan grabbed the keys from Barry's hand, heading towards the door. "I'll keep my phone turned up in case you call." Of course, Dan would never be able to hear it ringing once they were at the concert. He said it mostly for Suzy's benefit.

     Suzy nodded. "Love you guys."

     "Love you!" They both said in unison. They walked out the door and shut it behind them with a click. 

~

      The drive itself was pretty hyped up. The band's music blasted out of Danny's phone (which he had hooked up to the car radio), the windows were down, and Dan and Barry were singing along as loudly as they could. The venue was about an hour away, so that meant they'd get there an hour early. Dan was secretly glad that this concert had set seats instead of being general admission. Poor Barry would've lost it. 

        "How much longer?" Barry asked, excitement bubbling over in his voice. Dan turned down the music.

      "What?" He asked.

      "I said how much longer?"

      "Oh, uh, like a half hour? We're about to hit the concert traffic so, I would get comfortable."

       Barry nodded, leaning back to turn the music back up again. He looked out the window. Or, tried to. The window was rolled all the way down, wind blasting his face. How fast were they going anyway? The wind was so strong that the key hanging on a chain around his neck was flying up and hitting him. He rolled his and Dan's windows up all the way. Much better.

       "Are you excited?" Dan asked as he slowed the car. They were approaching an intersection, the light on their side was red.

      Barry turned his head to see Dan, nodded. "Yes. This is my first concert with my best friend, of course I'm excited!"

      Dan couldn't help but smile at that. He was excited too. Sure, it was his fourth concert, but it was his first with Barry. And first by himself. Every other concert, Suzy's been right there, a protective hand on his shoulder. Sure, Suzy could pump it up and have a good time too, but he just wanted one concert by himself. 

      And here he was, finally getting it. He was driving he and his best friend to a concert he'd been dying to go to for months. 

      He sat in the driver's seat, tapping the wheel and humming along to the song as they waited in the intersection. The cars whipped by in front of them, blurs of blue and red and white speeding by, faster than they were probably supposed to. What was the speed limit, fifty? Probably forty five actually, since this wasn't a highway. Oh well, maybe they were in a hurry.

       Barry shifted anxiously in his seat. Dan smirked. The concert anxiety was probably just setting in. The whole 'are we going to get there on time' thought process. Dan had had it the first two concerts he went to. He learned, though, that everything would be all right. They'd get there on time.

      The ring continued to play as they sat at the intersection. A certain part of the song hit, and Barry loudly sang it.

      Dan laughed. He was off key, but it was awesome. "Oh man, I love you Bar."

      Barry did finger guns at Dan, knowing he was laughing at his singing skills. "Love you too buddy."

      Dan couldn't help but smile. He moved in his seat, sitting up more as he waited for the red light to pass. Finally, it turned green, allowing them to go. Dan pressed the gas pedal, ready to drive.

      They were halfway through the intersection when suddenly, everything jerked to the side. The road in front of Dan began to spin and blur. There was a clashing of medal and a cacophony of screams before a solid force jerked Dan's head to the left, banging against the window. There was black after that.

~

      Dan's eyes opened slowly, barely able to open them all the way. The lights were too bright, the world was too blurry, the sounds were too loud. He tried to get a grasp of where he was, but he couldn't see straight. There was two of everything. 

        He tried to move, turn over, get out of the car, but every movement brought a great amount of pain. He felt many stings in his stomach. Blood trickled down his face, warm and sticky. He smelled smoke. Blood.

       Dan turned his head to the right, trying to find where Barry was sitting. He was able to focus enough to see that something wasn't right. Barry was still in the passenger seat, eyes shut. Glass was everywhere, all over him. The door was smashed in on his side, the metal pushing into Barry. Blood covered him. His shirt was soaked with it. He wasn't moving.

       Dan dared to speak. "Bar..." It hurt his throat to say. Had he swallowed glass or something? Oh god, it hurt to move even the slightest inch.

      "Barry?" It came out as a whisper, barely audible, but he said it. Barry didn't move. 

      Dan knew something was wrong. He bit his tongue and forced himself to lift his arm up. He reached out and touched Barry's shoulder. Pushed on it. He leaned over, patting him and pushing him as much as he could in an effort to wake him up. He didn't move.

       Tears stung at the back of Dan's eyes as he grappled with Barry. He pulled on his shirt and pushed on it, trying to illicit any response. A moan or a movement. Something. Anything to indicate that he was alive.

      Nothing.

      "B-Barry, please..." 

      Tears feel freely down his face now. Dan tried to call louder, maybe he just couldn't hear him. He called as loud as he could, but ended up in a horrible coughing fit. He spit blood out and tried to breathe. But it hurt. Breathing hurt. Everything was blurry. Was he dying?

        He heard sirens in the distance, someone was coming to help. They couldn't get here fast enough.

       His head was too heavy to hold up, so he let it fall as he saw his vision grow darker. He noticed that his hand was in a fist, holding onto the key that had been hanging around Barry's neck. He hadn't even realized he grabbed it.

       The sirens started to fade out. Maybe they weren't coming.

       "Dan!" He heard someone calling his name. Suzy. It was Suzy. Did she come for him? How did she know there was a crash? She called again, louder this time. He felt his shoulder being shaken. It made the pain so much worse. Stop shaking, Suzy, please. I can hear you. Stop yelling, it hurts my head. Everything hurts.

        Make it stop hurting.

~

      Waking comes with panic. Dan's eyes fly open and he sits up, a scream bubbling from the bottom of his throat.

       He feels hands on his shoulders, comforting and soft. He hears his name being called. The scene of inside the car fades away as the darkness of his bedroom comes back. Moonlight shines in from the window, a gentle breeze coming through it. 

       "Dan," Suzy says quietly. He looks at her. She looks like she was jarred from her sleep. She probably was. Her hair is in a messy bun, her eyes are rounded with purple circles, and her mouth is set into a sympathetic frown. He probably woke her up. 

       But she came to him. She knew what it was instantly and came to his side, waking him up from that horrible nightmare. She could've stayed in bed and waited it out. No, she came. 

       Dan wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her chest. His heart is pounding a mile a minute, the terror and panic still as fresh as it was that day. He feels unsteady, helpless.

       Suzy holds him tight, petting his head softly and slowly. She kisses his head, assuring him that he's okay, it's okay, you're okay.

       Dan lets himself melt into her arms. He lets himself feel safe and loved and warm. When was the last time they had hugged like this? Too long. Way too long. Suzy is so warm. So soft. Such a good person to be held by. Why doesn't he hug her more? He has to start doing that more. He'd been starving for it, he realizes, as he sits here in her hold. Suzy gives the best hugs.

      "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Dan asks quietly. He can feel Suzy nod.

      "Of course," she says. Dan breathes a sigh of relief, glad he won't have to sleep alone with his mind running into dark places.

       "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be it for a while


End file.
